3 Years | 1,096 Days | 26,310 Hours | And a Whole Lot of Minutes!
That is how long my blood has been free from drugs and alcohol. Today marks my 3 year sobriety birthday…or anniversary as they say on the East Coast. I feel pretty darn grateful to have made it to this day. Getting sober, and staying sober, has transformed me and my life.
So much has changed in the past 3 years. I feel like a completely different human being. Really. When I walked into the rooms of AA three years ago, I was physically ill. I was mentally exhausted. My head was full of descriptive hateful words that shot at me like bullets and exploded into millions of reasons to self destruct. My life was unmanageable and I was 100% spiritually depleted and morally deteriorating fast.
Three years ago, I was afraid of you. I was terrified to open my mouth and speak my thoughts and/or opinions. I figured, even with a higher education, I wasn’t smart enough and what I would say would be judged. I would be judged. Three years ago I didn’t feel good enough. Pretty enough. Sexy enough. Skinny enough. I felt like a fraud in business and a fraud in life. And that is why I drank. Alcohol made all those self-centered fears go away, and suddenly I was everything I wanted to be, and more. It was magical. Until it stopped working.
On July 11, 2011 my life was about to change, and I had no idea how big it would get. Really, it is the change in who I have become as a person that is such a gift. A gift of sobriety.
Just a few transformations to share:
1. I am in a healthy, committed, loving relationship with an amazing woman.
2. I am a compassionate, Vegan.
3. I escaped my fears and left my job of 11 years to go out on my own in the freelance world, and have succeeded at doing so.
4. I moved from Los Angeles to New York City.
5. I quit smoking.
6. I have a voice and express my opinion.
7. I dance, sober.
8. My fears of people have drastically decreased.
9. My confidence level has drastically increased.
10. My spirituality has returned, and I try to live a life of principle. Doing the next indicated thing and staying far away from the results.
11. I am much less self-centered and much more of service to my fellow humans and animals.
12. I laugh again.
13. I recognize resentments are poison, so I try to confront and release them asap.
14. I am no longer full of rage. Rather, I am more often serene and less often angry.
15. I actually have feelings. Can feel them. And deal with them appropriately.
16. My life has moral value.
17. I live life on life’s terms, not mine.
Those are just a few glaring changes that have come to fruition with my sobriety, and my efforts to work a spiritual program. I truly feel blessed and grateful for having found a better way of life, where I no longer rely on the drink to get me through. It was miserable. Quite scary. And frankly, it was hard work having to live life in that destructive shadow….hiding my alcoholism and my true self. I don’t ever want to go back there again. Ever. Life is not easy…in sobriety, or in my disease. However, in sobriety it is manageable. It makes sense. Life is in focus and not such a blur of uncertainty and a whirlwind of fears. It’s fun. It’s exciting. And the promises and changes are worth every effort. I am by no means perfect in sobriety, but I am ever changing and growing, so long as I am generally open minded, of service, working my program, and staying spiritually fit.
Thank you for sharing my 3rd birthday with me!