What I Might Do Instead of Go To The Bar
I thought when I got sober my life was going to be one big snooze-fest. Boring. After nearly 3.5 years sober, I have found that to be an un-truth. A storyline of boredom created by my own thinking. Sobriety has been quite fun, actually. I have been given the opportunity to revisit the woman I am. To really figure out my likes and dislikes. My fears and insecurities. And in doing so I have been able to consistently work through the things that hold me back (the stuff I drank over) and progress in the areas that naturally allow me to shine. An easy task? Nope. But it is a gift to be given clear eyes and a clear mind that allows for growth in life. While drinking and using, my life became stagnant. I was stagnant. Stale. It was a dark time.
Although things have been mostly a steady uphill crawl towards success, since sobriety became by focus, there is one area I was much more fluid in during my drinking days, then I am now. That area is my creative drive. For some reason, I have lost much of my creative force in sobriety. I can’t be certain why, but I think it is based on fear. Fear of thinking I am not good enough. You know, typical alcoholic thinking.
My main creative outlet use to be photography. I would go out for hours combing the beach coast of Los Angeles, taking photos of people, places, and things. I loved it. But much of the time, I was not sober. And thus my confidence and courage was sky-high. After I got sober, I put my camera down, without thought or intention. It just happened.
I have been craving creativity again, lately. I’ve found myself a little stagnant again. A little stale again. Almost lost without a creative outlet. And so it got me thinking about why I put my one creative drive down to rest. Fear. Fear is the culprit 97.9% of the time, I find. And then I thought, what is it I am afraid of, and why? Shooting pictures is my own personal joy. It is not for anyone else but me. So why hide it? Why compare my work to others works of art with sandpapered criticism against myself?
So….yesterday I went into the box in my apartment, up on the shelf, labeled Camera. I pulled out my Canon 7D and decided to charge up the battery and take it for an adventure in Central Park.
It felt good to be creative again. To snap some photos. I hope I will not let the dust get between me and my camera any longer. There is no reason to shut out the good things in life that make us happy. If you find yourself doing the same thing in sobriety…give yourself a fear check. Fear holds us back from good things, and bad. Don’t let the good things slip away based on an untrue storyline produced by your own alcoholic mind. It usually never has a good ending.
The journey of sobriety….it is magical.
Below are some shots from yesterdays adventure.